i almost hit a deer today while i was driving with my friend my first instinct was to say “oh deer” beFORE I EVEN APPLIED THE BRAKES I LITERALLY ALMOST DIED BECAUSE OF A PUN
two, four, six, eight
i really wanna go on a date
I left 3 notes scattered around the house earlier for my girlfriend.
They said “Will”, “you” and “me”.
That’ll keep her busy whilst I watch sports.
are you satan
maybe i can watch this hour long episode in ten minutes
when you’re listening to a fall out boy song for like the hundredth time and you finally realize what he’s saying